я покусаю твою вафельку
So, women usually wear heels. And the problem with heels is that there's usually a space between the heel and the bottom of the shoe. And when a lady steps on the ground there's sometimes a kraken there which escapes seemingly imminent death by cunningly locating its tentacles in that space. This creates an obvious problem for women, because from down below there's an unrestricted view towards the unmentionable area under the skirt (the word "tentacles" kinda hinted at that this text would have this turn, didn't it?). To cope with it and to cover their shameful pubic hair they have to wear panties. This, essentially, is a theory of human lingerie.
But a careful observer has to distinguish this explanation from the theory of tiger lingerie. It exists for a completely different reason. What happens there is that when expecting to fight a lion the tiger takes lingerie on. It's a well-known fact that a tiger beats a lion. During a duel the lion initially has an upper palm and in the matter of minutes has his teeth around something belonging to the tiger. And chances are that that happens to be his lingerie. So the lion starts to pull, pull, pull, and then the bra snaps and hits the lion's face. Confusion ensues, and the lion is disoriented for a couple of seconds trying to get the bra off his eyes. It is at this moment that tiger makes the deadly strike and bites lion's throat. Death of the latter follows.
And this is why there are no lions left in Russia.
However with the development of tranquilizer guns this practice died out.